Benevolent sexism in the Family - looking through cinema

 The merit of the ideology of Intersectional feminism lies in differentiating the discrimination from each facet of identity an individual ascribes to themselves (gender, sexuality, profession, caste, race etc.)

Looked at from that dimension, the middle class- upper caste families, that make up the bulk of the 'seen' society, have been abundantly privileged. The women in these families, though cannot escape sexism and deal with one of the most permeable and disguised manifestations - benevolent sexism.

The juxtaposition of the female identity, as something 'divine' and 'above Human' has harmed the potential of the otherwise privileged group. This mentality has persevered from the twentieth century and is celebrated, even in the twenty- first century. Feminists contend that women be accorded equal 'Human' status, rather than the 'Goddess' status, that makes any shortcoming or human fault seem unnatural and unlike human.

In the movies of the bygone periods, the cringe worthy ideals of the Ideal woman- one who gives up her share of dinner so the children aren't hungry, one who is at the beck and call of her husband and family, one who has no expectations, one who is amused by her husband's rational handicap in the kitchen, one who believes her identity is her family; the one who Compromises - were upheld, indoctrinated and cherished by many women. 

This behaviour can be traced in most movies that looked to 'reform' modern women who wore jeans and makeup and didn't bend over backwards to accept when her family was unfair to her. Resorting to naming them would be too much of a task and would certainly make the article exceed the word limit by many miles. Suffice to say that the storyline of most movies with caricaturish headstrong women would be of her finding fulfillment in 'traditional values', once she is reformed by her husband (whose pairing doesn't make any sense, because with such conflicting value and ideals, why would they get married in the first place?!).

This has persisted to newer cinemas and short films, with the most recent example of a certain Youtube short film that thought it talked of female sexuality (or was it promiscuity?), but ended up serving the old wine of the wife forgiving her cheating husband.*

Thankfully though, all hope is not dead. We recently have movies helmed by male and female directors that look to advance the agenda of equality. The most relevant and powerful example being the malayalam movie 'The Great Indian Kitchen'. This widely discussed film, with great actors, technicians, crew and most of all, a worthy script exposed the darkness that bound most 'traditional families with an overcoat of modernity, that came loose at home'.

Its characterisation and portrayal of the main characters - the husband and wife- without names, its drab camera view of the wife toiling in the kitchen, day after day, the revolting pile of wastewater that kept mounting (much like the tiny advances of sexism frame by frame), because of the leaking pipe, the glossing over of her identity, the patronisation from the father in law, horrible treatment while she is on her period- finally it is all shown in its true light - of disapproval and anger.

The movie has taken on benevolent sexism and the disintegration of human identity, most often of the woman, through various scenes and dialogues. One scenes that stays with me is when the wife has got the interview call letter for her job and her father in law discovers it and disapproves, justifying that his wife, despite being an M.A graduate, still stayed home and raised their son, who has supposedly become 'great' and that the work home makers do, is greater than the contribution of a district collector. He concludes the monologue by underlining that it is better for a society when women give up their individuality and power stays with the men.

The hollowness of the 'better job than collectors', exposed in the following scene, where the wife is shown washing the underwear of that father by hand, comes like the slap on the face conditioning that as a society we undergo.

The fact that such movies make more of an anomaly should be enough argument to back the permeability of benevolent sexism in our households. Change is coming, but it will come fast enough to empower the society only when the society will work for the change. 

So the next time you see your mother head to the kitchen before day break to prepare breakfast to suit your routine, instead of marvelling at her immense capacity to adjust and work round the clock, head over to the kitchen yourselves and learn what she does and equip yourselves to cook your food and ask her to sleep awhile longer.

*Name has not been explicitly mentioned for the sake of discretion.

Source : Observations from around yours and my lives, instagram posts and movies

Ps: Originally written for GirlUp*GirlforGirl blog.